High Times and Hot Dogs Can Choke You Up
"Marijuana use by seniors goes up as boomers age", says the Associated Press headline....
What a great story!
"In her 88 years, Florence Siegel has learned how to relax: A glass of red wine. A crisp copy of The New York Times, if she can wrest it from her husband. Some classical music, preferably Bach. And every night like clockwork, she lifts a pipe to her lips and smokes marijuana."
It turns out (not surprisingly!) that pot-smoking is increasing among the AARP age group, stoked by (as it were) baby boomers growing older. This is according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
And seniors are using Mary Jane for both recreation as well as "healing" - a way to cope with the aches and pains of aging.
One senior is quoted as saying, "Food tastes better, music sounds better, sex is more enjoyable."
The grass is always greener on the other side of 50.
-----------------------------
The Academy of Pediatrics wants you to know that you probably don’t worry enough about the risk that your children may choke to death on a hot dog.
It may sound weird, but choking is one of the leading causes of injury and death in children, especially those under age three who have yet to develop mature airways and are still mastering the crucial life skills of chewing and swallowing.
An analysis by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 2001, nearly 18,000 kids were brought to hospital emergency rooms after choking. Almost 60% of those kids choked on food, and about 30% choked on coins or other foreign objects.
But frankfurters are really in the, um, dog house, because - according to the journal Pediatrics - a hot dog “is cylindrical, airway sized, and compressible, which allows it to wedge tightly into a child’s hypopharynx and completely occlude the airway.”
Yuck!
Someone clearly has to redesign the hot dog.
Maybe as a breakfast cereal - sugar frosted dog flakes!
Or...make little teeny hot dogs and serve them like legumes. You know, "beaner weiners"!
Or...grab a food processor, toss in a hot dog, coffee, milk, ice and - voila - a "frankuccino".
Now that's easy to swallow, right?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
In The Noise - Thursday, February 18, 2010
Another wacky hat has been thrown into the ring for California's Governer's race, dahling!
Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband and flamboyant socialite, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, described as the "lover (never confirmed) of Anna Nicole Smith," and a "self-proclaimed member of European royalty," will try and succeed Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Gubernator in the upcoming election.
This guy's a hoot! He's been married seven times; and previously worked as a "bank clerk, screenwriter and sauna manager" (according to the AP). Several years back, he was found naked behind the wheel of his Rolls Royce Phantom. Why? Well, he said, "I was mugged by three women". He also sued the makers of Viagra, because he was annoyed that he couldn't perform without the drug.
And as for his plans for California should he get elected?
He wants to lift the ban on Cuban cigars, and legalize marijuana and prostitution. Then tax them all to help end California's budget woes.
Now that's a political platform...
...from a guy who's probably in platform shoes.
-----------------------------
"Craps!"
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has declined an invitation to meet with President Obama when he arrives in Sin City tomorrow. Mayor Goodman called President Obama "a slow learner" after the President told Americans not to "blow money on a weekend in Las Vegas" if they were saving to put their kids through college.
"I've got other things to do quite frankly..." explained Mayor Goodman.
I'll bet he does. And don't expect Mr. Mayor to tell you what those things are. After all, "What happens in Vegas...."
Wonder what Obama's planning to do while in-town?
-----------------------------
I don't know what Martin Scorsese has for Leonard DiCaprio. Must be the goombah connection, I guess. Well, regardless...
...DiCaprio is set to play Frank Sinatra in yet another film for Scorsese. But he’s probably not going to sing.
“With those records?” Scorsese was quoted as saying at last night's premiere for Shutter Island. “Frank will do the singing.”
I guess I'm a goombah, too.
I was hoping for Milli Vanilli.
-----------------------------
And finally...
The Zamboni Company has been the official ice-resurfacing machine of many Winter Olympics, and is not a stranger to the chill of controversy.
You may have heard in recent media reports that Zambonis caused delays in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Those reports put the Zamboni folks in melt-down mode...
"While it is unfortunate that there was an interruption to the Winter Olympic events, please note: the resurfacers which were on the ice during those events were not Zamboni® brand ice resurfacers and should not be referred to as 'Zamboni machines,"' the company spokesman said.
It turns out the machines causing the problems were made by the Olympia Company.
I can hear Don Rickles now, "Well, of COURSE they were, Hockey Puck!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband and flamboyant socialite, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, described as the "lover (never confirmed) of Anna Nicole Smith," and a "self-proclaimed member of European royalty," will try and succeed Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Gubernator in the upcoming election.
This guy's a hoot! He's been married seven times; and previously worked as a "bank clerk, screenwriter and sauna manager" (according to the AP). Several years back, he was found naked behind the wheel of his Rolls Royce Phantom. Why? Well, he said, "I was mugged by three women". He also sued the makers of Viagra, because he was annoyed that he couldn't perform without the drug.
And as for his plans for California should he get elected?
He wants to lift the ban on Cuban cigars, and legalize marijuana and prostitution. Then tax them all to help end California's budget woes.
Now that's a political platform...
...from a guy who's probably in platform shoes.
-----------------------------
"Craps!"
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has declined an invitation to meet with President Obama when he arrives in Sin City tomorrow. Mayor Goodman called President Obama "a slow learner" after the President told Americans not to "blow money on a weekend in Las Vegas" if they were saving to put their kids through college.
"I've got other things to do quite frankly..." explained Mayor Goodman.
I'll bet he does. And don't expect Mr. Mayor to tell you what those things are. After all, "What happens in Vegas...."
Wonder what Obama's planning to do while in-town?
-----------------------------
I don't know what Martin Scorsese has for Leonard DiCaprio. Must be the goombah connection, I guess. Well, regardless...
...DiCaprio is set to play Frank Sinatra in yet another film for Scorsese. But he’s probably not going to sing.
“With those records?” Scorsese was quoted as saying at last night's premiere for Shutter Island. “Frank will do the singing.”
I guess I'm a goombah, too.
I was hoping for Milli Vanilli.
-----------------------------
And finally...
The Zamboni Company has been the official ice-resurfacing machine of many Winter Olympics, and is not a stranger to the chill of controversy.
You may have heard in recent media reports that Zambonis caused delays in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Those reports put the Zamboni folks in melt-down mode...
"While it is unfortunate that there was an interruption to the Winter Olympic events, please note: the resurfacers which were on the ice during those events were not Zamboni® brand ice resurfacers and should not be referred to as 'Zamboni machines,"' the company spokesman said.
It turns out the machines causing the problems were made by the Olympia Company.
I can hear Don Rickles now, "Well, of COURSE they were, Hockey Puck!"
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
In The Noise - Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I love the way news stories are written. Here's an example:
"Seeking common ground with Republicans on energy and climate issues, President Obama on Tuesday pledged $8 billion in loan guarantees needed to build the first U.S. nuclear reactors in nearly three decades."
This story could so easily have a different slant by simply changing, "Seeking common ground..." to "Seeking ground-zero..."
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the Disneyland employees who have been on a hunger strike to protest the break-down in negotiations on a new labor contract? Well, they decided to break their fast today as they move their demonstration from Anaheim to Disney's corporate headquarters in Burbank.
They are trying to draw attention to negotiations that have been stalled since 2008. Disney proposes that union members should begin paying for their own healthcare plan.
A Disney spokesperson said, "We were ready to meet and instead they held a hunger strike."
No doubt the Disney negotiating team in Burbank will throw them a bone...?
-----------------------------
"Come and Get It..."
Abbey Road, the Beatles recording studio, has been put on the market by EMI Records!
EMI has apparently been courting bidders for the property. A sale could raise tens of millions of pounds.
It was not immediately clear whether EMI would sell the Abbey Road brand name along with the property, but one media lawyer said: “The brand is worth more than the building...anybody who wants the studios will want the brand.”
What history this place has!
EMI bought the house at number 3 Abbey Road for £100,000 in 1929 and transformed it into the world’s first custom-built recording studios. In World War II Abbey Road was used for propaganda recordings for the British government and BBC radio broadcasts.
The Beatles put the studios on the map, using it for 90% of their recordings between 1962 and 1969 and naming their final album, "Abbey Road". EMI used the studios for last year’s release of remastered Beatles albums.
Pink Floyd recorded Dark Side of the Moon at the studios and films such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone were scored there.
As was the first triple album by a solo artist. George Harrison's...
..."All Things Must Pass".
-----------------------------
This past Sunday marked the beginning of a Chinese calendar new year: the year of the Tiger.
Each year on the Chinese calendar is assigned an animal from the Chinese zodiac, which rotates on a 12-year cycle. People born during a specific year are thought to have attributes of their animal — tigers are confident, daring and unpredictable, for example.
I guess we all found that out at the "tail" end of last year.
Other ancient traditions associated with the Chinese new year (dating back thousands of years) are...endorsement deals.
I wonder if the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution would be interested?
"Seeking common ground with Republicans on energy and climate issues, President Obama on Tuesday pledged $8 billion in loan guarantees needed to build the first U.S. nuclear reactors in nearly three decades."
This story could so easily have a different slant by simply changing, "Seeking common ground..." to "Seeking ground-zero..."
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the Disneyland employees who have been on a hunger strike to protest the break-down in negotiations on a new labor contract? Well, they decided to break their fast today as they move their demonstration from Anaheim to Disney's corporate headquarters in Burbank.
They are trying to draw attention to negotiations that have been stalled since 2008. Disney proposes that union members should begin paying for their own healthcare plan.
A Disney spokesperson said, "We were ready to meet and instead they held a hunger strike."
No doubt the Disney negotiating team in Burbank will throw them a bone...?
-----------------------------
"Come and Get It..."
Abbey Road, the Beatles recording studio, has been put on the market by EMI Records!
EMI has apparently been courting bidders for the property. A sale could raise tens of millions of pounds.
It was not immediately clear whether EMI would sell the Abbey Road brand name along with the property, but one media lawyer said: “The brand is worth more than the building...anybody who wants the studios will want the brand.”
What history this place has!
EMI bought the house at number 3 Abbey Road for £100,000 in 1929 and transformed it into the world’s first custom-built recording studios. In World War II Abbey Road was used for propaganda recordings for the British government and BBC radio broadcasts.
The Beatles put the studios on the map, using it for 90% of their recordings between 1962 and 1969 and naming their final album, "Abbey Road". EMI used the studios for last year’s release of remastered Beatles albums.
Pink Floyd recorded Dark Side of the Moon at the studios and films such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone were scored there.
As was the first triple album by a solo artist. George Harrison's...
..."All Things Must Pass".
-----------------------------
This past Sunday marked the beginning of a Chinese calendar new year: the year of the Tiger.
Each year on the Chinese calendar is assigned an animal from the Chinese zodiac, which rotates on a 12-year cycle. People born during a specific year are thought to have attributes of their animal — tigers are confident, daring and unpredictable, for example.
I guess we all found that out at the "tail" end of last year.
Other ancient traditions associated with the Chinese new year (dating back thousands of years) are...endorsement deals.
I wonder if the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution would be interested?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
In The Noise - Thursday, February 11, 2010
Controversy is brewing as the Obama administration argues that the FBI can track anyone's cell phone without a warrant because Americans enjoy no "reasonable expectation of privacy" in their cell phones' whereabouts(!)
The federal lawyers claim "a customer's Fourth Amendment rights are not violated when the phone company reveals to the government its own records" that show "where a cell phone placed and received calls".
This is kind of like labling SUVs as "faceless demons". You know, when you hear a traffic report, "The 101 is backed-up due to an SUV hitting a power pole." (Clearly, the driver had nothing to do with it.)
Likewise, the cell phone legally has no rights.
So, be sure to keep an eye on who your cell phone is calling...and from where!
-----------------------------
Sunspots are expected to be increasing soon, researchers announced today.
After a long period of low solar activity, the sun is now on its way to a "solar maximum", which is not a happy thing for those who depend on satellite navigation.
The irregular atmospheric changes caused by sunspots can wreak havoc with the sat-nav signals we use.
On the "plus side", maybe those poor cell phones can finally get some privacy! (see lead story)
----------------------------
Good news: The overall crime rate in Los Angeles is significantly dropping.
Bad news: Bicycle thefts increased 29% in 2009. That's almost 2,000 bikes that were stolen!
LAPD detectives believe the increase is due - in part - to more people using bikes to get around in some neighborhoods. In particular, the USC campus, downtown L.A. and Venice were cited as especially bad areas for bike thefts.
Police also blame theft-rings that steal bikes and then sell them on Craigslist.
A modern variation of "Pedal Pushers", I guess.
-----------------------------
In Camden, New Jersey, a 20-year-old man has been charged with child endangerment for putting a tattoo on the rear end of a 1-year-old baby.
The tattoo is the letter “A”, and could not be removed, according to the complaint filed by police.
It was not clear why the child was given a tattoo or what the “A” signifies.
Both baby and mother are fine. The perpetrator is in custody.
A caged canary at the victim's home was quoted as saying, "I tawt I taw a booty tat!"
The federal lawyers claim "a customer's Fourth Amendment rights are not violated when the phone company reveals to the government its own records" that show "where a cell phone placed and received calls".
This is kind of like labling SUVs as "faceless demons". You know, when you hear a traffic report, "The 101 is backed-up due to an SUV hitting a power pole." (Clearly, the driver had nothing to do with it.)
Likewise, the cell phone legally has no rights.
So, be sure to keep an eye on who your cell phone is calling...and from where!
-----------------------------
Sunspots are expected to be increasing soon, researchers announced today.
After a long period of low solar activity, the sun is now on its way to a "solar maximum", which is not a happy thing for those who depend on satellite navigation.
The irregular atmospheric changes caused by sunspots can wreak havoc with the sat-nav signals we use.
On the "plus side", maybe those poor cell phones can finally get some privacy! (see lead story)
----------------------------
Good news: The overall crime rate in Los Angeles is significantly dropping.
Bad news: Bicycle thefts increased 29% in 2009. That's almost 2,000 bikes that were stolen!
LAPD detectives believe the increase is due - in part - to more people using bikes to get around in some neighborhoods. In particular, the USC campus, downtown L.A. and Venice were cited as especially bad areas for bike thefts.
Police also blame theft-rings that steal bikes and then sell them on Craigslist.
A modern variation of "Pedal Pushers", I guess.
-----------------------------
In Camden, New Jersey, a 20-year-old man has been charged with child endangerment for putting a tattoo on the rear end of a 1-year-old baby.
The tattoo is the letter “A”, and could not be removed, according to the complaint filed by police.
It was not clear why the child was given a tattoo or what the “A” signifies.
Both baby and mother are fine. The perpetrator is in custody.
A caged canary at the victim's home was quoted as saying, "I tawt I taw a booty tat!"
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
In The Noise - Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"I am not a crook!"
San Fernando Valley cops and the FBI are asking for the public's help in finding the "Ex-President Bandit".
No, "W" hasn't gone off the wagon.
There is a guy who has robbed four Encino banks at gunpoint - two of them while wearing a Richard Nixon mask.
A spokesperson for the FBI said the suspect is described as "black, about 40, with a medium build." And clearly with a sense of irony.
"During both robberies, the bandit was armed with a handgun, which he brandished liberally," the spokesperson said.
Aha! A liberal sense of irony.
San Fernando Valley cops and the FBI are asking for the public's help in finding the "Ex-President Bandit".
No, "W" hasn't gone off the wagon.
There is a guy who has robbed four Encino banks at gunpoint - two of them while wearing a Richard Nixon mask.
A spokesperson for the FBI said the suspect is described as "black, about 40, with a medium build." And clearly with a sense of irony.
"During both robberies, the bandit was armed with a handgun, which he brandished liberally," the spokesperson said.
Aha! A liberal sense of irony.
Monday, February 8, 2010
In The Noise - February 8, 2010
"Live Science" magazine reports that scientists have discovered a female sex hormone in a tree. ('Makes you want to read further, right?)
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Friday, February 5, 2010
In The Noise - February 5, 2010
This may be the biggest fast-food restaurant news since we started talking to Jack, The Clown at the drive-thru.
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
In The Noise - February 2, 2010
The "L.A. Daily News" reports that street gangs are getting into social networking ('reminds me of that line from "West Side Story"- "No one wants a fella with a social disease...")...
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
Monday, February 1, 2010
In The Noise - February 1, 2010
A Southern California man is in a Los Angeles court today on charges of uploading an unauthorized pre-release copy of a feature film to a movie-piracy Web site.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
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