In The Noise - January 13, 2010

Have you heard? The IRS Commissioner, Douglas Shulman, does not file his own taxes because he thinks the tax code is too complex.

This news is brought to you by H & R Block.

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Has anyone NOT seen "Avatar"? Well, it's certainly stirring up some criticism! There's a Chicago Alderman says the film makes Marines "look like lunatics". Now you gotta understand, this is a sci-fi flick about an army of mercenaries that invades the idyllic planet called Pandora and attacks the peaceful blue people who live there in order to steal a precious mineral. Got it? Blue People? Mercenaries? Fiction? There has to be more to worry about in Chicago about than this!!!

Unbelievably, even the Vatican newspaper has gone on the record - calling Avatar "godless". Blame it on the blue people.

(Man! Talk about Pandora's box!)

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Google is hacked-off that it got hacked in China - and is now threatening to pull their internet plug out of the country. In sympathy, restaurants all over China are now serving a new dish - Moo Google Gai Pan.

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An Egyptian archaeological team led by Dr. Zahi Hawass has discovered several new tombs of the ancient workers who built the pyramids. These tombs apparently disprove the previous theory that the workers were slaves.

Of course, they weren't slaves. They were teamsters!

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Heads-up, Florida! It's been so cold in the Sunshine State that iguanas have been going into hibernation and falling out of trees. Seriously! A news crew actually filmed it happening. Poor reporter. I can just imagine the assignment editor saying: "Frank, you cover the truck accident on Route 4. Linda, the school protest in Boca Raton and Jerry, go find a falling iguana..."

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Finally, speaking about exotic animals... Scientists have discovered a green sea slug appears to be part animal, part plant. This aberration is caused by the sneaky slugs stealing genes from algae that they've eaten.

The good news is that - in honor of Jay and Conan - the spineless creature has been dubbed, the "Zuckerslug".