The "L.A. Daily News" reports that street gangs are getting into social networking ('reminds me of that line from "West Side Story"- "No one wants a fella with a social disease...")...
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
In The Noise - February 1, 2010
A Southern California man is in a Los Angeles court today on charges of uploading an unauthorized pre-release copy of a feature film to a movie-piracy Web site.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Celebrating Diversity in L.A. (an aside...)
Driving back home from Laguna Beach today took me right through the heart of Los Angeles, where I was reminded of all the glorious diversity this city offers.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
Friday, January 29, 2010
In The Noise - January 29, 2010
The State of California today has officially registered more than 100 items at the Moon's "Tranquility Base" as "State Historical Resources" - primarily to preserve and protect everything there from future looters and scavengers (otherwise known as tourists).
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
In The Noise - January 28, 2010
Here are a couple of surprising stories that may be related. Or drug-related.
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
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