"I am not a crook!"
San Fernando Valley cops and the FBI are asking for the public's help in finding the "Ex-President Bandit".
No, "W" hasn't gone off the wagon.
There is a guy who has robbed four Encino banks at gunpoint - two of them while wearing a Richard Nixon mask.
A spokesperson for the FBI said the suspect is described as "black, about 40, with a medium build." And clearly with a sense of irony.
"During both robberies, the bandit was armed with a handgun, which he brandished liberally," the spokesperson said.
Aha! A liberal sense of irony.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
In The Noise - February 8, 2010
"Live Science" magazine reports that scientists have discovered a female sex hormone in a tree. ('Makes you want to read further, right?)
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Friday, February 5, 2010
In The Noise - February 5, 2010
This may be the biggest fast-food restaurant news since we started talking to Jack, The Clown at the drive-thru.
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
In The Noise - February 2, 2010
The "L.A. Daily News" reports that street gangs are getting into social networking ('reminds me of that line from "West Side Story"- "No one wants a fella with a social disease...")...
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
Monday, February 1, 2010
In The Noise - February 1, 2010
A Southern California man is in a Los Angeles court today on charges of uploading an unauthorized pre-release copy of a feature film to a movie-piracy Web site.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
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