In The Noise - January 14, 2010

Okay. We all know our government is inefficient and often ineffective. But have you ever considered why? Too many politicians? Too much bureaucracy? Special interests? Corruption?

None of the above.

The REAL REASON our government is in a shambles was revealed today by Peter Orszag, director of the Office of Management and Budget: crappy old computers.

Yep! As he put it: "One specific source of ineffective and inefficient government is the huge technology gap between the public and private sectors that results in billions of dollars in waste, slow and inadequate customer service and a lack of transparency about how dollars are spent." Oh, goody, so now we know.

Stay tuned for the next major Capitol Hill battle - Mac or PC?

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The TSA sure has had a run of bad luck lately. But, I finally admit that I've got to support ethnic profiling. And all because of Michael W. Hicks.

You see, according to Homeland Security, Mikey Hicks has all the obvious signs of being a suspected terrorist. Yep. He's from New Jersey; he's the son of a U.S. Navy veteran; his mother worked for Newsweek; he wears a Cub Scout uniform and he's eight years-old.

Apparently, Mikey shares the same name as someone on the Homeland Security's high-security "selectee list". So whenever he travels with his family, it an endless hassle that has been going on for years.

At age two, TSA even patted him down at Newark Liberty International Airport!

If I were Mikey, I would have left them a boom boom in my diapers.

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An audit released today reveals that Los Angeles taxpayers are paying close to $3 million a year for nearly 12,000 municipal telephone lines that are no longer in use.

Is this city government's interpretation of "reach out and touch someone"?

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I've heard woosy excuses for a team losing a game, but this takes the cake.

The New York Knicks were in Oklahoma City earlier this week for a game against The Thunder.

For two days prior to the game, several of these seven-foot, 300-pound New York basketball players had trouble sleeping. Why? Because they were convinced that their downtown hotel was haunted.

Jared Jeffries said, "The place is haunted. It's scary."

Eddy Curry claims he slept for only two hours Sunday night because he couldn't stop thinking about ghosts roaming the hotel.

Final score? The Thunder 106, the Knicks 88.

I guess we know who had possession.

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Maybe too many of us are trying to get out of jury duty, 'cause the whole court system is going to the dogs. Well, cats, actually.

You see, this Boston cat, Sal Esposito, has been summoned for jury duty March 23 at Suffolk Superior Court. Hiss-terical, right?

Sal’s owners think he got the call because they listed Sal under "pets" on the last Census form. "I just wrote ‘Sal Esposito’, scratched out the ‘dog,’ and wrote, ‘cat,’” said Anna Esposito.

Here's the best part...

Anna filed a request for Sal’s disqualification of service.

The jury commissioner denied the request.

Come March 23, someone's going to be in a bad mewd!