A Southern California man is in a Los Angeles court today on charges of uploading an unauthorized pre-release copy of a feature film to a movie-piracy Web site.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Celebrating Diversity in L.A. (an aside...)
Driving back home from Laguna Beach today took me right through the heart of Los Angeles, where I was reminded of all the glorious diversity this city offers.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
Friday, January 29, 2010
In The Noise - January 29, 2010
The State of California today has officially registered more than 100 items at the Moon's "Tranquility Base" as "State Historical Resources" - primarily to preserve and protect everything there from future looters and scavengers (otherwise known as tourists).
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
In The Noise - January 28, 2010
Here are a couple of surprising stories that may be related. Or drug-related.
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
In The Noise - January 27, 2010
Great headline in today's L.A. Times
"If Tiger Woods is a sex addict, the treatment will be long and intense"
"Long and Intense", huh? Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?!?
Seriously, though. Tiger is reportedly undergoing therapeutic treatment at an addictions clinic in Mississippi.
I assume we're not talking group-grope therapy.
They say you can't be treated until you acknowledge there's a problem.
"Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex addict."
Oh, man, can you see how easy it would be to fake your way through this??
Change a couple letters and nobody would be the wiser...
..."Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex attic."
They say he's probably spending long days filled with lectures and the 12-step program every patient must endure. And patients must dress a certain way, address each other a certain way and, most importantly, can never touch another patient without permission.
Dress a certain way? Like no more leather and lace? Or no more Nike caps?
Well, I surely wish him a speedy recovery. I'd like to see him get back in the swing of things.
That's "swing" - not "swinger".
-----------------------------
From our "been there, done that" department.
On Monday, when the White House releases the proposed budget for next year, there will be no money for NASA's Constellation program - the one that was supposed to put man back on the moon.
The budget has been slashed. There will be no moon rockets, no lunar landers, no moon bases, no lunar program at all.
'Reminds me of a book I once read as a child: "Goodnight, Moon"
-----------------------------
Well, I suppose I must put in my two cents (or $499) on Apple's new product announcement.
Today, Steve Jobs unveiled a new device that's half-smartphone and half-computer...with a dash of feminine hygiene thrown into the mix.
I mean why else would they call it an iPad?
(Believe me, all of geekdom is guffawing at Apple's moniker for this device!)
But what gets me is that it looks like one of those crazy-huge TV remotes you see for sale at the drugstore - "As Seen on TV", you know?
Hmmm...drugstore. There's that feminine hygiene angle, again.
-----------------------------
I may be hearing things, but Reuters reports today that nearly one in ten seven- to eight-year-old children hear voices that aren't really there. That's according to a new study out of the Netherlands.
The scientist who ran the study says that parents whose children hear voices should not be overly concerned. "In most cases the voices will just disappear. I would advise parents to reassure their child and to watch him or her closely."
Good advice. If the voices don't disappear, the children might!
-----------------------------
You may remember that Universal Studios' theme park attraction, King Kong, burned down during the 2008 backlot fire. Well, it's coming back in the late Spring!
"After the 2008 fire, we knew we had to bring him back to the back lot studio tour, but in a way that has never been experienced before," a Universal spokesman said.
So a whole new 3-D Kong is being developed. (More 3-D? Before too long we're going to have to wear glasses from all the eye-strain of wearing...glasses!)
And, get this. You won't only see Kong in three dimensions but also smell his banana breath, feel the gust of wind as he jumps over the guests and sense the ground quake when the ape engages a T-rex in a life-or-death battle.
And that's not to mention the Kong PONG Finale (in 3-D, of course).
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