"Hiatus" is a commonly used Hollywood term meaning one or more of the following: "On vacation"; "We've temporarily had our budget frozen"; "We've been canceled but nobody's admitting it"...
But in THIS case, it just means there's too much craziness going on in Sky's life to find time to contribute to his blah, blah Blog...
However... Once "Sky Writing" returns, I am told the Earth Will Move (or have a movement). Either should lead to some relief.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
In The Noise - Wednesday, February 24, 2010
High Times and Hot Dogs Can Choke You Up
"Marijuana use by seniors goes up as boomers age", says the Associated Press headline....
What a great story!
"In her 88 years, Florence Siegel has learned how to relax: A glass of red wine. A crisp copy of The New York Times, if she can wrest it from her husband. Some classical music, preferably Bach. And every night like clockwork, she lifts a pipe to her lips and smokes marijuana."
It turns out (not surprisingly!) that pot-smoking is increasing among the AARP age group, stoked by (as it were) baby boomers growing older. This is according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
And seniors are using Mary Jane for both recreation as well as "healing" - a way to cope with the aches and pains of aging.
One senior is quoted as saying, "Food tastes better, music sounds better, sex is more enjoyable."
The grass is always greener on the other side of 50.
-----------------------------
The Academy of Pediatrics wants you to know that you probably don’t worry enough about the risk that your children may choke to death on a hot dog.
It may sound weird, but choking is one of the leading causes of injury and death in children, especially those under age three who have yet to develop mature airways and are still mastering the crucial life skills of chewing and swallowing.
An analysis by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 2001, nearly 18,000 kids were brought to hospital emergency rooms after choking. Almost 60% of those kids choked on food, and about 30% choked on coins or other foreign objects.
But frankfurters are really in the, um, dog house, because - according to the journal Pediatrics - a hot dog “is cylindrical, airway sized, and compressible, which allows it to wedge tightly into a child’s hypopharynx and completely occlude the airway.”
Yuck!
Someone clearly has to redesign the hot dog.
Maybe as a breakfast cereal - sugar frosted dog flakes!
Or...make little teeny hot dogs and serve them like legumes. You know, "beaner weiners"!
Or...grab a food processor, toss in a hot dog, coffee, milk, ice and - voila - a "frankuccino".
Now that's easy to swallow, right?
"Marijuana use by seniors goes up as boomers age", says the Associated Press headline....
What a great story!
"In her 88 years, Florence Siegel has learned how to relax: A glass of red wine. A crisp copy of The New York Times, if she can wrest it from her husband. Some classical music, preferably Bach. And every night like clockwork, she lifts a pipe to her lips and smokes marijuana."
It turns out (not surprisingly!) that pot-smoking is increasing among the AARP age group, stoked by (as it were) baby boomers growing older. This is according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
And seniors are using Mary Jane for both recreation as well as "healing" - a way to cope with the aches and pains of aging.
One senior is quoted as saying, "Food tastes better, music sounds better, sex is more enjoyable."
The grass is always greener on the other side of 50.
-----------------------------
The Academy of Pediatrics wants you to know that you probably don’t worry enough about the risk that your children may choke to death on a hot dog.
It may sound weird, but choking is one of the leading causes of injury and death in children, especially those under age three who have yet to develop mature airways and are still mastering the crucial life skills of chewing and swallowing.
An analysis by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that in 2001, nearly 18,000 kids were brought to hospital emergency rooms after choking. Almost 60% of those kids choked on food, and about 30% choked on coins or other foreign objects.
But frankfurters are really in the, um, dog house, because - according to the journal Pediatrics - a hot dog “is cylindrical, airway sized, and compressible, which allows it to wedge tightly into a child’s hypopharynx and completely occlude the airway.”
Yuck!
Someone clearly has to redesign the hot dog.
Maybe as a breakfast cereal - sugar frosted dog flakes!
Or...make little teeny hot dogs and serve them like legumes. You know, "beaner weiners"!
Or...grab a food processor, toss in a hot dog, coffee, milk, ice and - voila - a "frankuccino".
Now that's easy to swallow, right?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
In The Noise - Thursday, February 18, 2010
Another wacky hat has been thrown into the ring for California's Governer's race, dahling!
Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband and flamboyant socialite, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, described as the "lover (never confirmed) of Anna Nicole Smith," and a "self-proclaimed member of European royalty," will try and succeed Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Gubernator in the upcoming election.
This guy's a hoot! He's been married seven times; and previously worked as a "bank clerk, screenwriter and sauna manager" (according to the AP). Several years back, he was found naked behind the wheel of his Rolls Royce Phantom. Why? Well, he said, "I was mugged by three women". He also sued the makers of Viagra, because he was annoyed that he couldn't perform without the drug.
And as for his plans for California should he get elected?
He wants to lift the ban on Cuban cigars, and legalize marijuana and prostitution. Then tax them all to help end California's budget woes.
Now that's a political platform...
...from a guy who's probably in platform shoes.
-----------------------------
"Craps!"
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has declined an invitation to meet with President Obama when he arrives in Sin City tomorrow. Mayor Goodman called President Obama "a slow learner" after the President told Americans not to "blow money on a weekend in Las Vegas" if they were saving to put their kids through college.
"I've got other things to do quite frankly..." explained Mayor Goodman.
I'll bet he does. And don't expect Mr. Mayor to tell you what those things are. After all, "What happens in Vegas...."
Wonder what Obama's planning to do while in-town?
-----------------------------
I don't know what Martin Scorsese has for Leonard DiCaprio. Must be the goombah connection, I guess. Well, regardless...
...DiCaprio is set to play Frank Sinatra in yet another film for Scorsese. But he’s probably not going to sing.
“With those records?” Scorsese was quoted as saying at last night's premiere for Shutter Island. “Frank will do the singing.”
I guess I'm a goombah, too.
I was hoping for Milli Vanilli.
-----------------------------
And finally...
The Zamboni Company has been the official ice-resurfacing machine of many Winter Olympics, and is not a stranger to the chill of controversy.
You may have heard in recent media reports that Zambonis caused delays in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Those reports put the Zamboni folks in melt-down mode...
"While it is unfortunate that there was an interruption to the Winter Olympic events, please note: the resurfacers which were on the ice during those events were not Zamboni® brand ice resurfacers and should not be referred to as 'Zamboni machines,"' the company spokesman said.
It turns out the machines causing the problems were made by the Olympia Company.
I can hear Don Rickles now, "Well, of COURSE they were, Hockey Puck!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor's eighth husband and flamboyant socialite, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, described as the "lover (never confirmed) of Anna Nicole Smith," and a "self-proclaimed member of European royalty," will try and succeed Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Gubernator in the upcoming election.
This guy's a hoot! He's been married seven times; and previously worked as a "bank clerk, screenwriter and sauna manager" (according to the AP). Several years back, he was found naked behind the wheel of his Rolls Royce Phantom. Why? Well, he said, "I was mugged by three women". He also sued the makers of Viagra, because he was annoyed that he couldn't perform without the drug.
And as for his plans for California should he get elected?
He wants to lift the ban on Cuban cigars, and legalize marijuana and prostitution. Then tax them all to help end California's budget woes.
Now that's a political platform...
...from a guy who's probably in platform shoes.
-----------------------------
"Craps!"
Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has declined an invitation to meet with President Obama when he arrives in Sin City tomorrow. Mayor Goodman called President Obama "a slow learner" after the President told Americans not to "blow money on a weekend in Las Vegas" if they were saving to put their kids through college.
"I've got other things to do quite frankly..." explained Mayor Goodman.
I'll bet he does. And don't expect Mr. Mayor to tell you what those things are. After all, "What happens in Vegas...."
Wonder what Obama's planning to do while in-town?
-----------------------------
I don't know what Martin Scorsese has for Leonard DiCaprio. Must be the goombah connection, I guess. Well, regardless...
...DiCaprio is set to play Frank Sinatra in yet another film for Scorsese. But he’s probably not going to sing.
“With those records?” Scorsese was quoted as saying at last night's premiere for Shutter Island. “Frank will do the singing.”
I guess I'm a goombah, too.
I was hoping for Milli Vanilli.
-----------------------------
And finally...
The Zamboni Company has been the official ice-resurfacing machine of many Winter Olympics, and is not a stranger to the chill of controversy.
You may have heard in recent media reports that Zambonis caused delays in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Those reports put the Zamboni folks in melt-down mode...
"While it is unfortunate that there was an interruption to the Winter Olympic events, please note: the resurfacers which were on the ice during those events were not Zamboni® brand ice resurfacers and should not be referred to as 'Zamboni machines,"' the company spokesman said.
It turns out the machines causing the problems were made by the Olympia Company.
I can hear Don Rickles now, "Well, of COURSE they were, Hockey Puck!"
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
In The Noise - Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I love the way news stories are written. Here's an example:
"Seeking common ground with Republicans on energy and climate issues, President Obama on Tuesday pledged $8 billion in loan guarantees needed to build the first U.S. nuclear reactors in nearly three decades."
This story could so easily have a different slant by simply changing, "Seeking common ground..." to "Seeking ground-zero..."
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the Disneyland employees who have been on a hunger strike to protest the break-down in negotiations on a new labor contract? Well, they decided to break their fast today as they move their demonstration from Anaheim to Disney's corporate headquarters in Burbank.
They are trying to draw attention to negotiations that have been stalled since 2008. Disney proposes that union members should begin paying for their own healthcare plan.
A Disney spokesperson said, "We were ready to meet and instead they held a hunger strike."
No doubt the Disney negotiating team in Burbank will throw them a bone...?
-----------------------------
"Come and Get It..."
Abbey Road, the Beatles recording studio, has been put on the market by EMI Records!
EMI has apparently been courting bidders for the property. A sale could raise tens of millions of pounds.
It was not immediately clear whether EMI would sell the Abbey Road brand name along with the property, but one media lawyer said: “The brand is worth more than the building...anybody who wants the studios will want the brand.”
What history this place has!
EMI bought the house at number 3 Abbey Road for £100,000 in 1929 and transformed it into the world’s first custom-built recording studios. In World War II Abbey Road was used for propaganda recordings for the British government and BBC radio broadcasts.
The Beatles put the studios on the map, using it for 90% of their recordings between 1962 and 1969 and naming their final album, "Abbey Road". EMI used the studios for last year’s release of remastered Beatles albums.
Pink Floyd recorded Dark Side of the Moon at the studios and films such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone were scored there.
As was the first triple album by a solo artist. George Harrison's...
..."All Things Must Pass".
-----------------------------
This past Sunday marked the beginning of a Chinese calendar new year: the year of the Tiger.
Each year on the Chinese calendar is assigned an animal from the Chinese zodiac, which rotates on a 12-year cycle. People born during a specific year are thought to have attributes of their animal — tigers are confident, daring and unpredictable, for example.
I guess we all found that out at the "tail" end of last year.
Other ancient traditions associated with the Chinese new year (dating back thousands of years) are...endorsement deals.
I wonder if the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution would be interested?
"Seeking common ground with Republicans on energy and climate issues, President Obama on Tuesday pledged $8 billion in loan guarantees needed to build the first U.S. nuclear reactors in nearly three decades."
This story could so easily have a different slant by simply changing, "Seeking common ground..." to "Seeking ground-zero..."
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the Disneyland employees who have been on a hunger strike to protest the break-down in negotiations on a new labor contract? Well, they decided to break their fast today as they move their demonstration from Anaheim to Disney's corporate headquarters in Burbank.
They are trying to draw attention to negotiations that have been stalled since 2008. Disney proposes that union members should begin paying for their own healthcare plan.
A Disney spokesperson said, "We were ready to meet and instead they held a hunger strike."
No doubt the Disney negotiating team in Burbank will throw them a bone...?
-----------------------------
"Come and Get It..."
Abbey Road, the Beatles recording studio, has been put on the market by EMI Records!
EMI has apparently been courting bidders for the property. A sale could raise tens of millions of pounds.
It was not immediately clear whether EMI would sell the Abbey Road brand name along with the property, but one media lawyer said: “The brand is worth more than the building...anybody who wants the studios will want the brand.”
What history this place has!
EMI bought the house at number 3 Abbey Road for £100,000 in 1929 and transformed it into the world’s first custom-built recording studios. In World War II Abbey Road was used for propaganda recordings for the British government and BBC radio broadcasts.
The Beatles put the studios on the map, using it for 90% of their recordings between 1962 and 1969 and naming their final album, "Abbey Road". EMI used the studios for last year’s release of remastered Beatles albums.
Pink Floyd recorded Dark Side of the Moon at the studios and films such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone were scored there.
As was the first triple album by a solo artist. George Harrison's...
..."All Things Must Pass".
-----------------------------
This past Sunday marked the beginning of a Chinese calendar new year: the year of the Tiger.
Each year on the Chinese calendar is assigned an animal from the Chinese zodiac, which rotates on a 12-year cycle. People born during a specific year are thought to have attributes of their animal — tigers are confident, daring and unpredictable, for example.
I guess we all found that out at the "tail" end of last year.
Other ancient traditions associated with the Chinese new year (dating back thousands of years) are...endorsement deals.
I wonder if the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution would be interested?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
In The Noise - Thursday, February 11, 2010
Controversy is brewing as the Obama administration argues that the FBI can track anyone's cell phone without a warrant because Americans enjoy no "reasonable expectation of privacy" in their cell phones' whereabouts(!)
The federal lawyers claim "a customer's Fourth Amendment rights are not violated when the phone company reveals to the government its own records" that show "where a cell phone placed and received calls".
This is kind of like labling SUVs as "faceless demons". You know, when you hear a traffic report, "The 101 is backed-up due to an SUV hitting a power pole." (Clearly, the driver had nothing to do with it.)
Likewise, the cell phone legally has no rights.
So, be sure to keep an eye on who your cell phone is calling...and from where!
-----------------------------
Sunspots are expected to be increasing soon, researchers announced today.
After a long period of low solar activity, the sun is now on its way to a "solar maximum", which is not a happy thing for those who depend on satellite navigation.
The irregular atmospheric changes caused by sunspots can wreak havoc with the sat-nav signals we use.
On the "plus side", maybe those poor cell phones can finally get some privacy! (see lead story)
----------------------------
Good news: The overall crime rate in Los Angeles is significantly dropping.
Bad news: Bicycle thefts increased 29% in 2009. That's almost 2,000 bikes that were stolen!
LAPD detectives believe the increase is due - in part - to more people using bikes to get around in some neighborhoods. In particular, the USC campus, downtown L.A. and Venice were cited as especially bad areas for bike thefts.
Police also blame theft-rings that steal bikes and then sell them on Craigslist.
A modern variation of "Pedal Pushers", I guess.
-----------------------------
In Camden, New Jersey, a 20-year-old man has been charged with child endangerment for putting a tattoo on the rear end of a 1-year-old baby.
The tattoo is the letter “A”, and could not be removed, according to the complaint filed by police.
It was not clear why the child was given a tattoo or what the “A” signifies.
Both baby and mother are fine. The perpetrator is in custody.
A caged canary at the victim's home was quoted as saying, "I tawt I taw a booty tat!"
The federal lawyers claim "a customer's Fourth Amendment rights are not violated when the phone company reveals to the government its own records" that show "where a cell phone placed and received calls".
This is kind of like labling SUVs as "faceless demons". You know, when you hear a traffic report, "The 101 is backed-up due to an SUV hitting a power pole." (Clearly, the driver had nothing to do with it.)
Likewise, the cell phone legally has no rights.
So, be sure to keep an eye on who your cell phone is calling...and from where!
-----------------------------
Sunspots are expected to be increasing soon, researchers announced today.
After a long period of low solar activity, the sun is now on its way to a "solar maximum", which is not a happy thing for those who depend on satellite navigation.
The irregular atmospheric changes caused by sunspots can wreak havoc with the sat-nav signals we use.
On the "plus side", maybe those poor cell phones can finally get some privacy! (see lead story)
----------------------------
Good news: The overall crime rate in Los Angeles is significantly dropping.
Bad news: Bicycle thefts increased 29% in 2009. That's almost 2,000 bikes that were stolen!
LAPD detectives believe the increase is due - in part - to more people using bikes to get around in some neighborhoods. In particular, the USC campus, downtown L.A. and Venice were cited as especially bad areas for bike thefts.
Police also blame theft-rings that steal bikes and then sell them on Craigslist.
A modern variation of "Pedal Pushers", I guess.
-----------------------------
In Camden, New Jersey, a 20-year-old man has been charged with child endangerment for putting a tattoo on the rear end of a 1-year-old baby.
The tattoo is the letter “A”, and could not be removed, according to the complaint filed by police.
It was not clear why the child was given a tattoo or what the “A” signifies.
Both baby and mother are fine. The perpetrator is in custody.
A caged canary at the victim's home was quoted as saying, "I tawt I taw a booty tat!"
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
In The Noise - Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"I am not a crook!"
San Fernando Valley cops and the FBI are asking for the public's help in finding the "Ex-President Bandit".
No, "W" hasn't gone off the wagon.
There is a guy who has robbed four Encino banks at gunpoint - two of them while wearing a Richard Nixon mask.
A spokesperson for the FBI said the suspect is described as "black, about 40, with a medium build." And clearly with a sense of irony.
"During both robberies, the bandit was armed with a handgun, which he brandished liberally," the spokesperson said.
Aha! A liberal sense of irony.
San Fernando Valley cops and the FBI are asking for the public's help in finding the "Ex-President Bandit".
No, "W" hasn't gone off the wagon.
There is a guy who has robbed four Encino banks at gunpoint - two of them while wearing a Richard Nixon mask.
A spokesperson for the FBI said the suspect is described as "black, about 40, with a medium build." And clearly with a sense of irony.
"During both robberies, the bandit was armed with a handgun, which he brandished liberally," the spokesperson said.
Aha! A liberal sense of irony.
Monday, February 8, 2010
In The Noise - February 8, 2010
"Live Science" magazine reports that scientists have discovered a female sex hormone in a tree. ('Makes you want to read further, right?)
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Until now, scientists thought that only animals could make the hormone "progesterone".
It's actually a steroid hormone secreted by the ovaries in humans, which prepares the uterus for pregnancy and maintains pregnancy.
The scientists are quoted in the American Chemical Society's Journal of Natural Products as saying, "While the biological role of progesterone has been extensively studied in mammals, the reason for its presence in plants is less apparent."
They used two complicated-sounding laboratory techniques - nuclear magnetic resonance and mass spectroscopy - to detect the progesterone in leaves of the English Walnut tree.
Female hormones from a tree of nuts. Go figure!
-----------------------------
Men At Work`s Kookaburragate will be back in court on February 25 to discuss the court findings and the settlement.
Your heard about this right? The music publisher of an old 1930's kiddie tune, Kookaburra ("Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree. Merry, merry king of the bush is he...") sued the Australian rock group, Men At Work for using what the judge and publisher considered to be a “substantial portion” of the tune in the classic Men At Work song ‘Down Under’.
Men At Work songwriter, Colin Hay, does admit that Greg Ham played a bit of the old song in his flute solo, he considers the legal action against them to be nothing more the “opportunistic greed”.
By the way, the publisher suing Men At Work for hundreds of thousand of dollars bought the rights from the original 1930's songwriter's estate for $6,000.
I guess there's nothing to be said, except to leave you with the last verse:
"Kookaburra sits on a rusty nail
Gets a boo-boo in his tail
Cry, Kookaburra! Cry, kookaburra!
Oh how life can be"
-----------------------------
And to wrap things UP...
The Burj Khalifa's owner said today that the observation deck of the world's tallest tower (2,717-feet, 160-stories) has been unexpectedly shut down - disappointing thousands of tourists and spoiling the spire's image just a month after it opened.
The precise cause of the Dubai skyscraper's closure is unknown. In a brief statement responding to questions, the building owner blamed the closure on "unexpected high traffic".
"Unexpected...High...Traffic" That's a quote. From the P.R. flacks for the tallest building in the world.
Friday, February 5, 2010
In The Noise - February 5, 2010
This may be the biggest fast-food restaurant news since we started talking to Jack, The Clown at the drive-thru.
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
The ketchup packet is being revised!
Yep, that tear-it-open-and-spill-ketchup-everywhere-but-on-your-sandwich-packet is being redesigned by the Heinz ketchup company.
The new "Dip & Squeeze Heinz Tomato Ketchup" package has a base that's like a little cup for dipping and also a tear-off end for squeezing, plus it holds three times as much ketchup than a traditional packet.
Heinz even bought it's research team a used minivan to test if the new Dip & Squeeze packet actually worked while eating on the road (they also probably gave them a cell phone and shaving kit, too, 'just to make sure they'd be completely distracted).
Anyway, that's the latest news on "ketchup" - and it's no Pulp Fiction.
-----------------------------
Fines for red-light traffic violations in Los Angeles County have skyrocketed over the past eight years - from $271 to $446!
And the number of tickets that have been generated by the red-light traffic camera systems has grown to 13,000 tickets with almost $1.6 million in revenue.
'Gives "Red Light District" a whole new meaning.
-----------------------------
Time to issue a White House gag order (or maybe a gaffe order would be more appropriate).
This week, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel referred to a group of liberal Democrats as "f***ing retarded."
Needless, to say, he was forced to issue a public apology - not to the liberal Democrats, but to persons with disabilities.
But even before this latest gaffe, Emanuel has been in hot water for salty language and heated political controversies.
On Thursday, a White House official (who was not authorized to speak publicly on the topic) made no apologies for Emanuel's tough, but sometimes childish style.
"Doo-Doo, Rahm Rahm!!", he reportedly said.
-----------------------------
Have you heard about the "demon sheep" ad?
It's a political attack ad produced by the campaign for California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina against her opposition, candidate Tom Campbell.
It features a pastoral field of grazing sheep (which are supposed to represent fiscal conservatives), and a devilish interloper - a man in a sheep's clothing - who is supposed to represent Campbell (implying that he is not what he appears to be).
The video has gone viral on YouTube.
The producer proclaims that any attempt to prevent the ad from being aired is "ewes-less". According to the Wool Street Journal, he was quoted as saying, "Flock anyone who tries to stop us!"
Where's Ram Emanual when we need him?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
In The Noise - February 2, 2010
The "L.A. Daily News" reports that street gangs are getting into social networking ('reminds me of that line from "West Side Story"- "No one wants a fella with a social disease...")...
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
...But the good news is that law enforcement agents are learning to hack into these nefarious Twitter and Facebook networks. Even representatives from Twitter and Facebook admit they regularly cooperate with police and supply information on account holders - when presented with a search warrant.
The gangs will no-doubt find a way to use Apple's new product, too.
Can't you see it? The iCrackPad.
Yep, "West Side Story" sure would sound different today...
"Dear Officer Krupke, we'll give you a tweet
140 characters, and back on the street
Murder and mayhem, we're in your case book
'What's on your mind today?' Facebook!"
-----------------------------
Perhaps the most important news of the day comes from from Gobbler's Knob (sounds pornographic!), Pennsylvania.
Prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.
Now, I don't get that. If he saw his shadow, the sun must have been shining, right? So wouldn't that mean Spring is right around the corner...and not the reverse??
Well, anyway...according to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, Phil has seen his shadow 98 times since 1887, hasn't seen it 15 times, and there are no records for nine years (they probably went underground).
Officially, the vernal equinox occurs at 1:32 p.m. March 20, marking the arrival of spring in the northern hemisphere -- six weeks, four days from today.
Today, however, the vermin equinox has been declared.
-----------------------------
Here's a true Saab story...
The U.S. Government participated in stopping General Motors from selling Saab to a Dutch automaker in December because of a possible Mafia connection. Specifically, the Russian Mafia.
The word is that a Russian investment group owned by the family of billionaire Alexander Antonov that was one of the major shareholders of Spyker when the Dutch automaker made the offer to buy Saab in December. Antonov is highly suspected of Mob connections, so the U.S. government told the the board of General Motors to stop the sale.
Basically, making them an offer they couldn't refuse.
-----------------------------
From the "your tax dollars at work" department...
The Defense Department just released its jumbo-economy-sized budget for the next fiscal year.
Would you believe $708 billion?
It's a pretty detailed shopping list the military has asked for - with specifics such as how many helicopters the Pentagon plans to buy and how many troops it plans on paying.
But I'm intrigued by the $56 billion allocated to “classified programs” - you know, "Black Ops". They are listed on the budget, but only by their code names, like “Chalk Eagle”, Cobra Judy" and “Link Plumeria.”
It sounds like these names were dreamed up by the geniuses who name weird stores here in L.A. 'Some true examples:
"Blood Bank & Scoops and Pints"
"Jesus is Lord Garage and Salvage"
"Phil's Barber Shop and Dance Studio"
"Diesel Fried Chicken"
and
"Fast Cash and Guns"
(ooooh, do you suppose that might be a "Black Ops"-Shop?!?)
Monday, February 1, 2010
In The Noise - February 1, 2010
A Southern California man is in a Los Angeles court today on charges of uploading an unauthorized pre-release copy of a feature film to a movie-piracy Web site.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
He is charged because (and I quote) "of the serious economic harm to Paramount Pictures if a copy of the movie was released to the Internet."
Which I completely believed - until I learned what the movie was.
Would you believe, "The Love Guru"?
-----------------------------
I always thought Alaskans were a little, um, different.
Now here's proof.
Starting tomorrow - and every February 2nd thereafter - Alaska will celebrate Marmot Day. That's according to a bill signed into law by then-Governor Sarah Palin (yep, THAT Sarah Palin).
Marmot Day. Makes perfect sense, right? I mean we know there are no groundhogs in Alaska. So why not substitute the Alaskan ground squirrel, the marmot, as the state's official rodent version of Al Roker?
Coming soon...another Bill Murray movie.
-----------------------------
Are you a "foodie"? Do you enjoy culinary delights?
Well, I'm afraid there's some gastronomically disappointing news today.
Contrary to recent reports saying otherwise, it is still illegal to import haggis from Scotland.
If you don't already know, haggis is made from sheep innards — heart, liver, lungs and fat — which are mixed with spices and oatmeal, then cooked in the sheep's stomach. Hand me the ketchup.
There's been a ban on haggis since 1989, when mad cow disease was in the news.
Of course, the last American known to consume imported haggis at that time was...
...Denny Crane.
-----------------------------
The journal, "Psychological Science", just released a study in which participants swayed backward when thinking of the past and forward with future thoughts.
The scientists conducting the study fitted 20 people with a motion sensor while they imagined future or past events. After just 15 seconds, the folks who were recalling the past had swayed backward, while the future thinkers leaned forward.
Next, I want to see a study proving that FOX News leans right and CNN, left.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Celebrating Diversity in L.A. (an aside...)
Driving back home from Laguna Beach today took me right through the heart of Los Angeles, where I was reminded of all the glorious diversity this city offers.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.
Some examples:
"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"
"Little Consequence"
Gotta love this town.
Friday, January 29, 2010
In The Noise - January 29, 2010
The State of California today has officially registered more than 100 items at the Moon's "Tranquility Base" as "State Historical Resources" - primarily to preserve and protect everything there from future looters and scavengers (otherwise known as tourists).
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.
Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!
I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."
-----------------------------
Another "recall" in the headlines.
The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.
Which movie were the pendants based-on?
"The Princess and The Frog"
From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.
-----------------------------
While we're on the subject...
...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.
The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."
So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...
..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...
...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.
-----------------------------
In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.
A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.
An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.
The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.
-----------------------------
And, finally...
Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.
Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.
A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).
So everyone currently has egg on their faces.
Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.
Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.
I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
In The Noise - January 28, 2010
Here are a couple of surprising stories that may be related. Or drug-related.
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!
Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."
And the news may further ferment for wine country...
...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).
According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”
Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".
(With apologies to John Steinbeck)
-----------------------------
Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!
Well, here's something of interest...
A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.
The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.
It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!
Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.
-----------------------------
Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...
But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.
It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).
So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.
Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.
It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.
Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:
Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!
-----------------------------
Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.
But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....
In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.
Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".
On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
In The Noise - January 27, 2010
Great headline in today's L.A. Times
"If Tiger Woods is a sex addict, the treatment will be long and intense"
"Long and Intense", huh? Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?!?
Seriously, though. Tiger is reportedly undergoing therapeutic treatment at an addictions clinic in Mississippi.
I assume we're not talking group-grope therapy.
They say you can't be treated until you acknowledge there's a problem.
"Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex addict."
Oh, man, can you see how easy it would be to fake your way through this??
Change a couple letters and nobody would be the wiser...
..."Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex attic."
They say he's probably spending long days filled with lectures and the 12-step program every patient must endure. And patients must dress a certain way, address each other a certain way and, most importantly, can never touch another patient without permission.
Dress a certain way? Like no more leather and lace? Or no more Nike caps?
Well, I surely wish him a speedy recovery. I'd like to see him get back in the swing of things.
That's "swing" - not "swinger".
-----------------------------
From our "been there, done that" department.
On Monday, when the White House releases the proposed budget for next year, there will be no money for NASA's Constellation program - the one that was supposed to put man back on the moon.
The budget has been slashed. There will be no moon rockets, no lunar landers, no moon bases, no lunar program at all.
'Reminds me of a book I once read as a child: "Goodnight, Moon"
-----------------------------
Well, I suppose I must put in my two cents (or $499) on Apple's new product announcement.
Today, Steve Jobs unveiled a new device that's half-smartphone and half-computer...with a dash of feminine hygiene thrown into the mix.
I mean why else would they call it an iPad?
(Believe me, all of geekdom is guffawing at Apple's moniker for this device!)
But what gets me is that it looks like one of those crazy-huge TV remotes you see for sale at the drugstore - "As Seen on TV", you know?
Hmmm...drugstore. There's that feminine hygiene angle, again.
-----------------------------
I may be hearing things, but Reuters reports today that nearly one in ten seven- to eight-year-old children hear voices that aren't really there. That's according to a new study out of the Netherlands.
The scientist who ran the study says that parents whose children hear voices should not be overly concerned. "In most cases the voices will just disappear. I would advise parents to reassure their child and to watch him or her closely."
Good advice. If the voices don't disappear, the children might!
-----------------------------
You may remember that Universal Studios' theme park attraction, King Kong, burned down during the 2008 backlot fire. Well, it's coming back in the late Spring!
"After the 2008 fire, we knew we had to bring him back to the back lot studio tour, but in a way that has never been experienced before," a Universal spokesman said.
So a whole new 3-D Kong is being developed. (More 3-D? Before too long we're going to have to wear glasses from all the eye-strain of wearing...glasses!)
And, get this. You won't only see Kong in three dimensions but also smell his banana breath, feel the gust of wind as he jumps over the guests and sense the ground quake when the ape engages a T-rex in a life-or-death battle.
And that's not to mention the Kong PONG Finale (in 3-D, of course).
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
In The Noise - January 26, 2010
A show of hands, please. How many feel frustration, disdain or a feeling of being ripped-off by Ticketmaster?
I see...
Well! Ticketmaster and Live Nation have been given the go-ahead by the Justice Department to marry their companies, creating the largest greedy giant, ever, with its hands in every pocket of the music business - booking concerts, selling tickets and merchandise, and managing artists all under one roof.
In theory, we're told, this is not what you call, "monopoly".
Well, whatever it is, it's sure not "Trivial Pursuit". Maybe it's more like "Balderdash".
Or, "Sorry!"
-----------------------------
Here's an update on that old food safety axiom, "The Five-Second Rule".
You know, the old-wives-tale about how - if you drop your ice cream cone on the floor, you have five seconds to pick it up and wipe it off before the bacteria sail over to the ice cream, jump on board and ride it into your mouth like Johnny Depp and the Pirates of the Salmonella.
Well, the folks who write the food blog of the San Francisco Weekly have developed their own, unique flow chart based on experiments done by a couple of biology students from Connecticut College.
In these experiments, they dropped apple slices and Skittles candies on the ground and measured how long it took before the rapscallion bacteria pirates rendered it unsafe to eat. The students' conclusion was that the axiom could safely be renamed, "The 30-second Rule".
Another job for Viagra?
-----------------------------
So there was American Idol's newest judge, Ellen Degeneres, arriving for her first day of taping...feeling excited and nervous. She couldn't wait to get started. But wait she did...and wait...and wait. With no explanation, Simon Cowell was an hour and a half late!
Needless to say, Ellen was not a happy camper and the fur has begun to fly, yet again, on the American Idol set.
Well, maybe the rumors are only partly true...
...Daytime "soap operas" might be coming to an end...
...or they're just moving to primetime on FOX.
-----------------------------
Whoa! Things are getting messy North-of-the-Border.
The Canadian Federal Fisheries Minister, Gail Shea, was hit in the face with a pie by a seal hunt protester.
Apparently, the American animal-rights activist - a PETA member - who perpetrated the act, used tofu pie as his weapon. He was immediately arrested.
By the way, Minister Shea was not injured, and said she has not changed her support for the hunt.
But has acquired a taste for tofu.
-----------------------------
NASA's Martian rover, "Spirit" will rove no more. A space odyssey comes to an close. Or does it?
The little robot got its six wheels stuck in sand several months ago and two wheels no longer work at all.
But, wow, did Spirit live up to its name! It originally had a design life of three months - but ended up spending the past six years traveling nearly 12 miles across the barren surface of the Red Planet and finding strong evidence of water erosion on Mars.
However, although "Spirit" is stuck, NASA is not "pulling the plug". They plan to use "Rover" as a fixed, immobile scientific observatory.
"Sit, Rover. Stay. Good boy..."
Monday, January 25, 2010
In The Noise - January 25, 2010
Watch out "Avatar" and "Titanic", your Boffo Boxoffice may soon be Bonzo'd!
The world's first film shot entirely by chimpanzees is about to be released.
The apes created the movie using a specially designed chimp-proof camera given to them by primatologists as part of a scientific study into how chimpanzees perceive the world and each other.
The plot reportedly involves a far-off world full of blue-bottom orangutans. An army of mercenary chimps arrives from space with plans to steal the world's sacred "Rosanne" banana manna crop. The peace-loving blue-bottoms, defenseless and dumbfounded, can do nothing but stare at the invaders in total disbelief.
Coming soon to a theatre near you...
...The Planet of The Gapes.
-----------------------------
FOX is sending out the hounds for Conan O'Brien.
Come September 1st, when Conan can - by contract - reappear on the airwaves, be ready for a knock-down-drag-out three-way late-night show superbattle.
Word is that FOX wants to cut a deal with Conan ASAP.
Hopefully, they have finally figured out how to correctly do a late-night talk-show. I mean, we are talking about the network that brought us "The Chevy Chase Show" and The Joan Rivers Show"....
Here's a thought. Maybe Conan can convince FOX to sign a new sidekick for his show. One with a long-established reputation for "funny". One that Conan worked-with early in his career.
Homer Simpson.
-----------------------------
Meanwhile, in the other corners of the late-night ring...
...a booking war is heating up between Letterman and Leno!
Word is that Dave won't play ball with anyone who goes on Leno's 'Tonight Show' first, which means the celebrity-guest tug-of-war is soon to be underway.
What's going to happen when Conan joins the ménage à trois?
"Couch hopping" will take on a whole new meaning!
-----------------------------
A physics professor at Arizona University will tell a meeting at the Royal Society of London that the best way of proving that extra-terrestrial life exists elsewhere in the universe is to use evidence from earth.
The meeting, which will include representatives from NASA, the European Space Agency and the UN Office for Outer Space Affairs marks the 5th anniversary of the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence program.
There's a good use for our tax dollars.
(Of course, we haven't found intelligent life on Earth, yet, but that's beside the point.)
Anyway, this professor says we should focus on deserts, volcanic vents, salt-saturated lakes and the dry valleys of Antarctica - places where ordinary life struggles to survive.
Or maybe even more inhospitable locations, like Detroit.
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