Celebrating Diversity in L.A. (an aside...)

Driving back home from Laguna Beach today took me right through the heart of Los Angeles, where I was reminded of all the glorious diversity this city offers.

For those of you unfamiliar with our fair metropolis, one of its many charms are the multitude of delightful little ethnic neighborhoods - all denoted by signs that indicate they are small microcosms of their original origins.

Some examples:

"Little Tokyo"
"Little Armenia"
"Little Korea"
"Little Antarctica"
"Little BoPeep"
"Little Scientology"

"Little Consequence"

Gotta love this town.

In The Noise - January 29, 2010

The State of California today has officially registered more than 100 items at the Moon's "Tranquility Base" as "State Historical Resources" - primarily to preserve and protect everything there from future looters and scavengers (otherwise known as tourists).

There's a lot of stuff at the landing site left behind by the astronauts. In fact, some 5,000 pounds-worth of things, like a seismic detector, a U.S. flag, space boots (boy, I bet those smell good), a hammer, scoops, empty food bags and bags-full of human waste (great, a "lunar latrine") and, of course, the lunar lander, itself.

Hey, Astronaut Alan Shepard's golf ball must still be there, too!

I'll never forget that famous quote as Shepard completed his successful six-iron shot, "Houston, The Eagle has...eagled."

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Another "recall" in the headlines.

The federal consumer safety folks have announced the recall of movie-themed children's pendants citing high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, which can cause cancer.

Which movie were the pendants based-on?

"The Princess and The Frog"

From the reviews I've read, they should have recalled the movie, too.

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While we're on the subject...

...toymaker, Mattel, today reported higher fourth-quarter earnings, up 40 cents a share compared to the previous fourth quarter.

The company CEO said, "We were pleased with the holiday performance of many of our classic and time-honored brands, including Barbie and Hot Wheels."

So, thanks to Barbie, business is boobing...er, BOOMing...

..."Hot Wheels" are taking-off...

...and "Rock'em Sock'em Robots" are punching up the profits.

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In San Diego, the FBI says the "Geezer Bandit" has struck again.

A frail, elderly man pulled a handgun and gave a bank clerk a note demanding money at San Diego National Bank. He left with an unspecified amount of cash.

An FBI spokesperson said they think it's the same man who has robbed five other banks since August.

The only evidence found so far are a set of dentures and Viagra residue.

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And, finally...

Over the past two months, on a busy Glendale street, a black hen has been dodging cars, and eluding captors and coyotes.

Officials say the bird has been darting into traffic outside Glendale Community College since Nov. 20. The chicken has drawn a growing crowd of photographers and journalists as animal control officers continue to unsuccessfully capture it.

A spokeswoman for the Pasadena Humane Society, which handles animal control in Glendale, says the bird either runs onto the street or flies into a tree when officers approach (I didn't know chickens could fly!).

So everyone currently has egg on their faces.

Clearly, the best way out of this situation is to wing-it.

Maybe they should bring in an umpire to call fowls.

I'm sure it will all work out, with a little bit of cluck!

In The Noise - January 28, 2010

Here are a couple of surprising stories that may be related. Or drug-related.

For the first time in 16 years, California’s wine industry saw its shipments fall in 2009 by some four million cases of wine. Unbelievable but true!

Industry analyst Jon Fredrikson said, "Usually, we're raving about how great the year was, but this was probably the worst year you ever had."

And the news may further ferment for wine country...

...As supporters of legalized marijuana in California announced today that they have gathered about 700,000 signatures, virtually guaranteeing voters will see a vote for legalized pot on the state's November ballot (they only needed some 400,000 signatures).

According to Richard Lee, a highly successful Oakland marijuana mogul, “This is a historic first step toward ending cannabis prohibition. I’ve always believed that cannabis should be taxed and regulated and that our current laws aren’t working.”

Stand by for yet another fabulous Hollywood sci-fi adventure featuring tangly California grapevine mutant monsters doing battle with giggling and drooling large-leaved cannabis sativa creatures...in..."Star Trek: Wrath of Grapes".

(With apologies to John Steinbeck)

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Ever notice there are some people who reach for the salt shaker before they even taste their food? I don't get that. It's like they have to have a little snowfall on whatever their eating!

Well, here's something of interest...

A modest reduction in the mountains of salt consumed by the typical American each year could lead to 155,000 fewer heart attacks and strokes annually, according to a new research study from the University of California, San Francisco.

The reduction in croakees would come from reducing salt-intake by about 3 grams a day.

It turns out that the average man consumes about 10 grams a day and the average woman, 7 grams. That adds up, gang...to like 8 POUNDS A YEAR!

Jeepers, let's just rent ourselves out to horse stables as a salt lick.

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Yet another black mark for "gas-guzzlers"...

But this time the aggrieved driver was a U.S. Army soldier based at Fort Stewart in Georgia.

It seems he was driving a military Humvee from Georgia to Central Florida where he ran out of gas. (What do Humvees get - about 23 gallons to the mile?).

So, a county cop saw the stranded soldier by the roadside and stopped to give a helping hand.

Well, let's make that a hand-cuff.

It turns out the soldier was illegally off-base and had stolen the Humvee earlier in the week.

Like Aesop's Fables, there's a moral to this story:

Humvee Dumbvee in-stolen-car, stalled
Humvee Dumbvee, caught AWOL, was hauled
Gas-guzzling his tank
No bucks in the bank
It would never be us.
'Cause we'd swipe a Prius!

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Joan Rivers. Gotta love her.

But I wish she'd get the backbone to express an opinion....

In the latest Vanity Fair magazine, Joan went into gory detail about why she thinks Jay Leno is "not funny" (her words) and even more vicious analysis as to why Conan's getting fired was the best thing that could have happened to him.

Remember the other day, I mentioned how Leno and Letterman are expecting to have a booking war - with Dave saying he won't book anyone who goes on "The Tonight Show".

On who's show do you suppose we'll next be seeing Joan Rivers?

In The Noise - January 27, 2010

Great headline in today's L.A. Times

"If Tiger Woods is a sex addict, the treatment will be long and intense"

"Long and Intense", huh? Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place?!?

Seriously, though. Tiger is reportedly undergoing therapeutic treatment at an addictions clinic in Mississippi.

I assume we're not talking group-grope therapy.

They say you can't be treated until you acknowledge there's a problem.

"Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex addict."

Oh, man, can you see how easy it would be to fake your way through this??

Change a couple letters and nobody would be the wiser...

..."Hi, I'm Tiger Woods and I'm a sex attic."

They say he's probably spending long days filled with lectures and the 12-step program every patient must endure. And patients must dress a certain way, address each other a certain way and, most importantly, can never touch another patient without permission.

Dress a certain way? Like no more leather and lace? Or no more Nike caps?

Well, I surely wish him a speedy recovery. I'd like to see him get back in the swing of things.

That's "swing" - not "swinger".

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From our "been there, done that" department.

On Monday, when the White House releases the proposed budget for next year, there will be no money for NASA's Constellation program - the one that was supposed to put man back on the moon.

The budget has been slashed. There will be no moon rockets, no lunar landers, no moon bases, no lunar program at all.

'Reminds me of a book I once read as a child: "Goodnight, Moon"

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Well, I suppose I must put in my two cents (or $499) on Apple's new product announcement.

Today, Steve Jobs unveiled a new device that's half-smartphone and half-computer...with a dash of feminine hygiene thrown into the mix.

I mean why else would they call it an iPad?

(Believe me, all of geekdom is guffawing at Apple's moniker for this device!)

But what gets me is that it looks like one of those crazy-huge TV remotes you see for sale at the drugstore - "As Seen on TV", you know?

Hmmm...drugstore. There's that feminine hygiene angle, again.

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I may be hearing things, but Reuters reports today that nearly one in ten seven- to eight-year-old children hear voices that aren't really there. That's according to a new study out of the Netherlands.

The scientist who ran the study says that parents whose children hear voices should not be overly concerned. "In most cases the voices will just disappear. I would advise parents to reassure their child and to watch him or her closely."

Good advice. If the voices don't disappear, the children might!

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You may remember that Universal Studios' theme park attraction, King Kong, burned down during the 2008 backlot fire. Well, it's coming back in the late Spring!

"After the 2008 fire, we knew we had to bring him back to the back lot studio tour, but in a way that has never been experienced before," a Universal spokesman said.

So a whole new 3-D Kong is being developed. (More 3-D? Before too long we're going to have to wear glasses from all the eye-strain of wearing...glasses!)

And, get this. You won't only see Kong in three dimensions but also smell his banana breath, feel the gust of wind as he jumps over the guests and sense the ground quake when the ape engages a T-rex in a life-or-death battle.

And that's not to mention the Kong PONG Finale (in 3-D, of course).

In The Noise - January 26, 2010

A show of hands, please. How many feel frustration, disdain or a feeling of being ripped-off by Ticketmaster?

I see...

Well! Ticketmaster and Live Nation have been given the go-ahead by the Justice Department to marry their companies, creating the largest greedy giant, ever, with its hands in every pocket of the music business - booking concerts, selling tickets and merchandise, and managing artists all under one roof.

In theory, we're told, this is not what you call, "monopoly".

Well, whatever it is, it's sure not "Trivial Pursuit". Maybe it's more like "Balderdash".

Or, "Sorry!"

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Here's an update on that old food safety axiom, "The Five-Second Rule".

You know, the old-wives-tale about how - if you drop your ice cream cone on the floor, you have five seconds to pick it up and wipe it off before the bacteria sail over to the ice cream, jump on board and ride it into your mouth like Johnny Depp and the Pirates of the Salmonella.

Well, the folks who write the food blog of the San Francisco Weekly have developed their own, unique flow chart based on experiments done by a couple of biology students from Connecticut College.

In these experiments, they dropped apple slices and Skittles candies on the ground and measured how long it took before the rapscallion bacteria pirates rendered it unsafe to eat. The students' conclusion was that the axiom could safely be renamed, "The 30-second Rule".

Another job for Viagra?

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So there was American Idol's newest judge, Ellen Degeneres, arriving for her first day of taping...feeling excited and nervous. She couldn't wait to get started. But wait she did...and wait...and wait. With no explanation, Simon Cowell was an hour and a half late!

Needless to say, Ellen was not a happy camper and the fur has begun to fly, yet again, on the American Idol set.

Well, maybe the rumors are only partly true...

...Daytime "soap operas" might be coming to an end...

...or they're just moving to primetime on FOX.

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Whoa! Things are getting messy North-of-the-Border.

The Canadian Federal Fisheries Minister, Gail Shea, was hit in the face with a pie by a seal hunt protester.

Apparently, the American animal-rights activist - a PETA member - who perpetrated the act, used tofu pie as his weapon. He was immediately arrested.

By the way, Minister Shea was not injured, and said she has not changed her support for the hunt.

But has acquired a taste for tofu.

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NASA's Martian rover, "Spirit" will rove no more. A space odyssey comes to an close. Or does it?

The little robot got its six wheels stuck in sand several months ago and two wheels no longer work at all.

But, wow, did Spirit live up to its name! It originally had a design life of three months - but ended up spending the past six years traveling nearly 12 miles across the barren surface of the Red Planet and finding strong evidence of water erosion on Mars.

However, although "Spirit" is stuck, NASA is not "pulling the plug". They plan to use "Rover" as a fixed, immobile scientific observatory.

"Sit, Rover. Stay. Good boy..."

In The Noise - January 25, 2010

Watch out "Avatar" and "Titanic", your Boffo Boxoffice may soon be Bonzo'd!

The world's first film shot entirely by chimpanzees is about to be released.

The apes created the movie using a specially designed chimp-proof camera given to them by primatologists as part of a scientific study into how chimpanzees perceive the world and each other.

The plot reportedly involves a far-off world full of blue-bottom orangutans. An army of mercenary chimps arrives from space with plans to steal the world's sacred "Rosanne" banana manna crop. The peace-loving blue-bottoms, defenseless and dumbfounded, can do nothing but stare at the invaders in total disbelief.

Coming soon to a theatre near you...

...The Planet of The Gapes.

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FOX is sending out the hounds for Conan O'Brien.

Come September 1st, when Conan can - by contract - reappear on the airwaves, be ready for a knock-down-drag-out three-way late-night show superbattle.

Word is that FOX wants to cut a deal with Conan ASAP.

Hopefully, they have finally figured out how to correctly do a late-night talk-show. I mean, we are talking about the network that brought us "The Chevy Chase Show" and The Joan Rivers Show"....

Here's a thought. Maybe Conan can convince FOX to sign a new sidekick for his show. One with a long-established reputation for "funny". One that Conan worked-with early in his career.

Homer Simpson.

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Meanwhile, in the other corners of the late-night ring...

...a booking war is heating up between Letterman and Leno!

Word is that Dave won't play ball with anyone who goes on Leno's 'Tonight Show' first, which means the celebrity-guest tug-of-war is soon to be underway.

What's going to happen when Conan joins the ménage à trois?

"Couch hopping" will take on a whole new meaning!

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A physics professor at Arizona University will tell a meeting at the Royal Society of London that the best way of proving that extra-terrestrial life exists elsewhere in the universe is to use evidence from earth.

The meeting, which will include representatives from NASA, the European Space Agency and the UN Office for Outer Space Affairs marks the 5th anniversary of the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence program.

There's a good use for our tax dollars.

(Of course, we haven't found intelligent life on Earth, yet, but that's beside the point.)

Anyway, this professor says we should focus on deserts, volcanic vents, salt-saturated lakes and the dry valleys of Antarctica - places where ordinary life struggles to survive.

Or maybe even more inhospitable locations, like Detroit.

In The Noise - January 21, 2010

This is good news but kind of puzzling...

A government report released yesterday says that wind energy could generate 20 percent of the electricity needed by households and businesses in the eastern half of the United States by 2024..but it would require up to $90 billion in investment.

With all the blowhards in Washington, 20 percent seems kind of low, don't you think?

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An iPhone app to translate a baby's cries and tell parents instantly what they mean has been made available.

Researchers discovered infants had five distinct, universal yells - regardless of language - indicating whether the tot is hungry, annoyed, tired, stressed or bored. The makers claim 96 per cent accuracy. But parenting experts believe the app could make people rely on technology, rather than parental instinct and experience (which is kind of creepy).

Anywho, what we now need is a "grown-up" app - to explain the opposite sex to us.

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Only in New Jersey.

Police have charged three people in connection with the fire that destroyed Loyle Lanes bowling alley last week, including the owner of a rival bowling alley.

Yep, the owner of Pike Lanes, was charged Tuesday with aggravated arson, aggravated "arson for hire" and "conspiracy to commit aggravated arson".

Police said, “We are continuing to investigate the motivation of the three individuals, and we are not going to elaborate on what physical evidence was discovered at the scene.”

What? Like a smelly old pair of rental bowling shoes??? Please, spare me the details.

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NASA today said it would begin soliciting public photo shoot suggestions for the cutting edge camera onboard its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter. Wow. This could be far out. Literally.

I guess the orbiter's High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment camera (or HiRISE - really!), is the most powerful camera ever to orbit another planet.

We Earthlings can view Mars maps using a new online tool called "HiWish" to see images already taken, check which targets already have been suggested and make new suggestions.

Let me think. What would I like to see on Mars?

Life-sized cardboard cutout of Obama? Kermit the Frog hanging out with a little green Martian?

Maybe one of those Venice gondoliers trying to pole his way down a Martian canal?

I know! A photo of the Mars rover next to a can of Alpo...

In The Noise - January 20, 2010

Everybody's making jokes about having to travel in the Los Angeles monsoon in arks, kayaks, canoes, ocean liners, aircraft carriers...

...but it's now gotten even worse. I just saw a Disneyland "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" submarine float by!!!

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Viral video of the day: a member of the U.K.'s women's Olympic bobsled team had a "wardrobe" malfunction" as she bent over to launch her sled. Brings a whole new meaning to the expression, "Let her rip!"

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$200,000 worth of Red Bull energy drink was reported missing today from a West Tennessee facility of the U.S. Navy.

I'd first check with the U.K. women's Olympic bobsled team.

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For the first time since Jan. 19, 1949, a mysterious person who for more than half a century has been marking Edgar Allen Poe's birthday by laying roses and a bottle of cognac at his grave site...did not show up!!

Is the "Poe Toaster" now Post Toastie???

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The Los Angeles City Council has unanimously voted to expand a smoking ban to outdoor dining areas.

Which happily leaves smokers with only...telephone booths (and when was the last time you saw one of those????).

In The Noise - January 19, 2010

Thunder, lightning, tornadoes, waterspouts and hail.

I'll just bet Pat Robertson thinks this is what L.A. deserves for NBC's treatment of Conan.

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The City Council has given preliminary approval to a plan that would close most of the hundreds of pot dispensaries in Los Angeles. The ordinance would cap the number of dispensaries at 70 and require the shops to be at least 1,000 feet from schools, parks and other public gathering spots.

I can't believe this.

Will there be signs going up all over town saying, "Mary Jane doesn't live here anymore?"

And what about the poor dispensary owners - are they going to have to "eat" their excess stock? Mangia the ganja???

I'm hoping this whole idea goes up in smoke.

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Speculation is running wild in Geekdom (count me as part of that group)!

Everybody's wondering about Apple's new top-secret product, which will be announced on January 27th.

Right now, we geeks are abuzz about the abstract, paint-splatter design on the press conference invitations that Apple sent out today.

O-o-o-o-o...does the paint splatter MEAN something?!?!

Is it a clue as to what Apple is going to call the new whatever-it-is??

Maybe it's the Apple iPalette!! Or the iCanvas!! Perhaps the iPaintBall!!!!

Even for geeky me, all this guesswork about the splattery invitation is over the top.

Kinda makes me want to iVomit.

WAIT! Maybe that's the name of the new Apple!!!!!!

In The Noise - January 18, 2010

Whoa. Nearly 400 tons of ground beef produced by a California meat packer - some of it nearly two years ago - is being recalled for fear of potentially tainting with deadly E. coli bacterium.

"Some of it nearly TWO YEARS AGO???" I don't think even "Hamburger Helper" can save this situation...

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A couple of days ago, Italian border guards were amazed to discover a 15-year-old Afghan boy hiding inside luggage. During a routine automobile spot check - the boy was found hidden in a zipped suitcase as he tried to illegally enter the country. Officers immediately arrested the Greek driver of the car carrying the suitcase.

Meanwhile, American Tourister has signed the boy to a commercial contract. The gorilla is history.

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In England, a BBC weather forecaster has suggested that the government's weather-forecasting super-computer has a 'warm bias' which has stopped it predicting bitter cold spells like the one they just experienced.

When interrogated about the claim, the super-computer stubbornly put up a cold front. It's future is hazy, at best.

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Closer to home, a San Diego middle school was evacuated when a student's science project was mistaken for an explosive device. The 11-year-old boy was trying to build a motion detector from instructions he found on the internet and with parts he bought online.

Perhaps he should have shopped on a website other than "Amabomb.com"!

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And geeks are abuzz as Apple officially alerted the world today that it is ready to unveil its latest "creation" — on the morning of Jan. 27 (set your iPhones!).

It is expected that the company CEO, Steve Jobs, will show off the latest much-anticipated marvel - a robotic shoe-maker.

Right! The Apple Cobbler.

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Finally, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (Whew! Thank goodness for government acronyms - DARPA) will soon hold its first workshop in support of a flying car program it will begin this year known as the Transformer TX. The goal is to build a flying vehicle that will let soldiers avoid water, difficult terrain, and road obstructions - as well as roadside bombs and ambush threats.

Sounds like a great idea. And I understand it will undergo the most extreme testing in the most harrowing conditions - the L.A. freeway system...in the rain.

In The Noise - January 15, 2010

So what are we supposed to take to recover from tainted Tylenol disease?

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Tiger Woods is reportedly in a Mississippi sex rehab clinic.

I certainly wish him well.

Let's hope that - once he's completed treatment - he will again associate terms like "front nine", "coming over the top" and "holed out" with something other than making whoopie.

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Florida was in the news a week ago when it was hit by very rare snowfalls. In today's headlines, there's "Florida snow" of a different sort.

A bag of cocaine has been found in a Space Shuttle hangar at Kennedy Space Center! To help find the culprit, NASA has brought in drug sniffing dogs (now, there's a nice job!).

And Paul McCartney has been booked to sing, "High High High".

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Elsewhere in Florida, people are freaking out over a new "super snake".

A three-day, state-coordinated hunt has turned up at least five African rock pythons - including a 14-foot-long female.

I guess that in Africa, the rock python eats creatures as large as goats and crocodiles.

Which means Mickey and Donald better watch their backs.

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You remember how Obama pledged that his administration would have complete transparency - you know, openness about things like who meets with the President; details about the health care bill negotiation, et cetera?

Well, on good ol' Vice President Joe Biden's schedule today is a meeting with the chief of transparency for economic recovery.

The meeting is closed to anyone else.

Transparency = clear as mud!

What do you call that...an "open secret"?

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A year after that planeload of people survived the water landing in the middle of the Hudson River, many of them got together today to celebrate the anniversary of their unlikely survival.

No question about it, once you get that feeling you can walk on water...

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It's cold and flu season, which means we Americans are turning to traditional and not-so traditional methods to ward off the beastie bugs. Non-traditional things like taking zinc! (Isn't zinc a metal?)

There are a lot of products out there that contain zinc and claim to boost immunity. And it might work, but researchers also warn there could be nasty side effects if you take too much. Side effects such as memory problems, nerve damage and urinary tract problems.

Not to mention the possibility of turning into a car battery.

In The Noise - January 14, 2010

Okay. We all know our government is inefficient and often ineffective. But have you ever considered why? Too many politicians? Too much bureaucracy? Special interests? Corruption?

None of the above.

The REAL REASON our government is in a shambles was revealed today by Peter Orszag, director of the Office of Management and Budget: crappy old computers.

Yep! As he put it: "One specific source of ineffective and inefficient government is the huge technology gap between the public and private sectors that results in billions of dollars in waste, slow and inadequate customer service and a lack of transparency about how dollars are spent." Oh, goody, so now we know.

Stay tuned for the next major Capitol Hill battle - Mac or PC?

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The TSA sure has had a run of bad luck lately. But, I finally admit that I've got to support ethnic profiling. And all because of Michael W. Hicks.

You see, according to Homeland Security, Mikey Hicks has all the obvious signs of being a suspected terrorist. Yep. He's from New Jersey; he's the son of a U.S. Navy veteran; his mother worked for Newsweek; he wears a Cub Scout uniform and he's eight years-old.

Apparently, Mikey shares the same name as someone on the Homeland Security's high-security "selectee list". So whenever he travels with his family, it an endless hassle that has been going on for years.

At age two, TSA even patted him down at Newark Liberty International Airport!

If I were Mikey, I would have left them a boom boom in my diapers.

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An audit released today reveals that Los Angeles taxpayers are paying close to $3 million a year for nearly 12,000 municipal telephone lines that are no longer in use.

Is this city government's interpretation of "reach out and touch someone"?

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I've heard woosy excuses for a team losing a game, but this takes the cake.

The New York Knicks were in Oklahoma City earlier this week for a game against The Thunder.

For two days prior to the game, several of these seven-foot, 300-pound New York basketball players had trouble sleeping. Why? Because they were convinced that their downtown hotel was haunted.

Jared Jeffries said, "The place is haunted. It's scary."

Eddy Curry claims he slept for only two hours Sunday night because he couldn't stop thinking about ghosts roaming the hotel.

Final score? The Thunder 106, the Knicks 88.

I guess we know who had possession.

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Maybe too many of us are trying to get out of jury duty, 'cause the whole court system is going to the dogs. Well, cats, actually.

You see, this Boston cat, Sal Esposito, has been summoned for jury duty March 23 at Suffolk Superior Court. Hiss-terical, right?

Sal’s owners think he got the call because they listed Sal under "pets" on the last Census form. "I just wrote ‘Sal Esposito’, scratched out the ‘dog,’ and wrote, ‘cat,’” said Anna Esposito.

Here's the best part...

Anna filed a request for Sal’s disqualification of service.

The jury commissioner denied the request.

Come March 23, someone's going to be in a bad mewd!

In The Noise - January 13, 2010

Have you heard? The IRS Commissioner, Douglas Shulman, does not file his own taxes because he thinks the tax code is too complex.

This news is brought to you by H & R Block.

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Has anyone NOT seen "Avatar"? Well, it's certainly stirring up some criticism! There's a Chicago Alderman says the film makes Marines "look like lunatics". Now you gotta understand, this is a sci-fi flick about an army of mercenaries that invades the idyllic planet called Pandora and attacks the peaceful blue people who live there in order to steal a precious mineral. Got it? Blue People? Mercenaries? Fiction? There has to be more to worry about in Chicago about than this!!!

Unbelievably, even the Vatican newspaper has gone on the record - calling Avatar "godless". Blame it on the blue people.

(Man! Talk about Pandora's box!)

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Google is hacked-off that it got hacked in China - and is now threatening to pull their internet plug out of the country. In sympathy, restaurants all over China are now serving a new dish - Moo Google Gai Pan.

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An Egyptian archaeological team led by Dr. Zahi Hawass has discovered several new tombs of the ancient workers who built the pyramids. These tombs apparently disprove the previous theory that the workers were slaves.

Of course, they weren't slaves. They were teamsters!

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Heads-up, Florida! It's been so cold in the Sunshine State that iguanas have been going into hibernation and falling out of trees. Seriously! A news crew actually filmed it happening. Poor reporter. I can just imagine the assignment editor saying: "Frank, you cover the truck accident on Route 4. Linda, the school protest in Boca Raton and Jerry, go find a falling iguana..."

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Finally, speaking about exotic animals... Scientists have discovered a green sea slug appears to be part animal, part plant. This aberration is caused by the sneaky slugs stealing genes from algae that they've eaten.

The good news is that - in honor of Jay and Conan - the spineless creature has been dubbed, the "Zuckerslug".

In The Noise - January 12, 2010

The longest freight train yet rolled through Los Angeles over the weekend – would you believe three and a half miles long?!?! Apparently, it was carrying clothing, furniture, electronics and the national debt.

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Sarah Palin has signed on with Foxy News as a political commentator…finally bringing real depth to their news analysis. We report, you deride.

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Australian researchers have found that watching TV can shorten your lifespan. While, at NBC, just being on TV can have the same effect.

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